perhaps its not our time

crap, i get emo once again.

yet not seeing you for quite awhile dont hurt me at all. im not joking. but when i hear news about you i go "i dont care". but its true. perhaps its not our time. just when we get all mushy and wipy i look out and see this person not meant to be for me. too far away now. remember i said "you dont know how low i got to be near you"; "you dont know how i sacrificed a lot of things just to be near you"; "how i gave up everything for you"; "yet you dont care about anything at all". maybe you've read all ive sent you but then you might have not read it. when i saw you two days ago i knew there was something you meant to say to me but then things just aint fit to do so. when i passed you by i knew you meant to open your mouth to say something to me yet you never did. perhaps its not our time yet. perhaps, maybe i must let go. move on. move away.

and im planning to do so. gibberish. i know i cant. do you know my favorite line? "find me someone else this person, find me someone else that person" and they say "yeah i know this person, yes i know that person and e'd be really fit for you". "do you want this type of person, do you like that type of person". haha. cliche. i reply: "yeah maybe id like to know this person, give me that persons number and maybe ill send an sms".

crap.

maybe ill just go back to who i was before. and then forget about everything that happened when everything fell into place when we met. actually we never met. now i wonder.

despite that, i still care.

crap.

maybe ill go drinking my way home tonight. maybe ill go drunk and slap everybody, yell at everybody and then maybe youd notice me saying out your name.

maybe i wont. because i dont.

crap.

i'd give you flowers but...

i cant...

now vera's bugging me why cant i
she's bugging me who

yet she doesnt know
she has a guess

and i say she aint right...

my birthday passed... didnt even see you...
didnt even come to me...

someone came all right...
not you...

i hope someone got to you
told you to care
told you to feel

cuz you didnt

now i think you do
even when i dont see you

damn... bug in my shirt
dogs all over the place

bark

9 am and still sleepy

i feel like horseshit everytime i sit there. looking across adrienne really gives me the creeps. like hell she's my trainer before and now we're in the same class, but she's not teaching anymore. she's my classmate!!! at one point in an exam i got two points higher than what she got. regarding subject-verb agreement! weird aint it? i learned the best from her i must say. and to my left i found someone, again troublesome. she's not troublesome, but troubled. i retract, she's not troublesome, but troubled. i repeat, troublesome not troubled.

hope i get worms in my stupid ass. my "current" is sitting right beside me playing counter-strike; a game i quit playing three years ago. everybody thinks im iori from KOF. hell not. i used to look like one. my mind is boggled. shake it. off? nope. just shake it.

and i hope things go out fine for me. three weeks into the "relationship" is okay. O K A Y. good thing, not reading, busy playing.

tomorrow is a 9 am schedule. im sleepy right now. tomorrow im pretty sure im gonna be. going to be. sorry rikki. ill change.

N.E.W.S.

balik tag bisaya ani animal. makabugo man day nang magpuyo sa inyong balay. ambut balay ba ni namu. treated as housemate man ko sa bahay ni ate. parehas ra pud sa balay ni papa ug mama. ay nalag pangutana sa bahay ni tita. nya napay usa. sa bahay ni nang susan. wirdo.
kalimot ko naa paman diay kuy buhaton. kalimtan lang gud. ana man jud na. cge nalang kug ingon sa akong kaugalingon: nabogo napod ko.
ok ra busy man akong chubi2x. term ba na? dili uy. sa kadaghan sa akong giagi-an nga problema may gani kai naa pa kuy panahon ana. animal unsaon di akoy nagtuga2x. busa, di na ko mouli sa balay nga magdala og duha ka lata nga red horse. kai makit-an kag silingan, ipa-ila2x ka sa usa ka tawo... ugma uyab na mo. waaaa!
nabogo ko.
wa nay sulod akong huna2x kundi balita. NEWS bah.
North, East, West, South...
tinuod bitaw nabogo na ko.

plastic cups in my cupboard

first of all i would like to say: i'm sick
i'm sick cuz my body is sick. hope this fever never goes away. hope this goes on forever. im getting used to it. im getting the hang of it. better hang myself then.
i'm sick cuz my mind is sick. im as dumb as ever again. talk to mawixs equals talk to the hand. and i never learn. you really can't teach an old dog new tricks.(f*ck with that dog language, woot! another d*g. f*ck!)
i'm sick cuz my... my mind who controls my... who pumps... ah well... lets stop that. its getting green when its never really intended to be.
i think ill never recover. i think im gonna lose everything. everytime i look at you i step on shit. everytime i hear your voice i break my neck. everytime i think of you i cry.
yet no one ever sees me cry. yet no one ever feels my suffering. you never read anything that i write. no use. useless perhaps. at least everyone else knows. i think we can make out a quote:
"when you can't tell it the person you want to, tell it to everybody else. he'll know eventually, from everybody"
or... im thinking PERSON knows. but is just damn too scared to admit the same way. is just making excuses to forget. is using somebody to force me to creep. i hope you dont hurt OPPOSITE PERSON okay? or else i'd be feeling mixed emotions. evil me again.
i hope im having the time of my life with my BESTFRIEND. which i think i am. subtle things work out for me nowadays. smiles everywhere. CLUE: smiles everywhere. i think im demanding too much from BESTFRIEND. well i get scolded everytime i drink.
for one: im sick.
for two: i drink too much.
for three: i outlast BESTFRIEND during those drinking sessions.
for four: parents scolding a twenty year old guy for drinking while sick isnt really my piece of cake.
whoa another nice note. aside from the fact that everybody now calls me mawixs, they gave me yet another cool nickie: THE IRON LIVER!!! (goodness gracious)


these are just little plastic cups. the real things are outside. inside im a plastic kind-of-guy. but outside is really who i am. <-- ALL FALSE
open my cupboard. see if there are rats. if you see one. kill it. you might get lucky and kill me too...

this is not myself

if i were marooned on an island just with you. i never said that...

New found music, New found love

Better Together
Jack Johnson

There’s no combination of words I could put on the back of a postcard
No song that I could sing
But I can try for your heart and our dreams
And they are made out of real things
Like a shoebox of photographs with sepia-tone lovin’
Love is the answer, at least for most of the questions in my heart
Like why are we here? and where do we go? and how come it's so hard?
It’s not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving
I’ll tell you one thing
It’s always better when we're together

Mmmm it’s always better when we’re together
Yeah, we’ll look at them stars and we’re together
Well, it’s always better when we’re together
Yeah, it’s always better when we’re together

And all of these moments just might find
Their way into my dreams tonight
But I know that they’ll be gone when the morning light sings
Or brings new things
For tomorrow night you see that they’ll be gone too
Too many things I have to do
But if all of these dreams might find their way
Into my day to day scene
I’d be under the impression I was somewhere in between
With only two, just me and you
Not so many things we got to do
Or places we got to beWe’ll sit beneath the mango tree now
Yeah, it’s always better when we’re together

Mmmm we’re somewhere in between together
Well, it’s always better when we’re together
Yeah, it’s always better when we’re together
Mmmm mmmm mmmmmmmmm

I believe in memories
They look so, so pretty when I sleep
Hey now and, and when I wake up
You look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time
And there is no, no song I could sing
And there is no combination of words I could say
But I will still tell you one thing
We’re Better together

____________________________________

it rings inside my head,
thumper twice and thrice i sing aloud

i talk and i never listen,
but when you're around...

i think i'll never sleep again
for i'm afraid to lose you

once again i talk
but when you're around...