river still flowing or flowing still?

monotonic or monotonous?
still flowing or flowing still?
change clothes or clothes changed?

half empty or half full?
dead on the spot or spotted dead?
clear vision or vision cleared?
drunk or drank?

im standing on a river sabi nila
is it flowing still or still flowing?

im walking on an empty lane
is it deserted or did they desert me?

just the voice?

just the voice and i mellow
and when you told me you couldnt say it
because it means more than that
i melted on the spot
more than marvin liboon
pawned and sprawled by my side

i will do what you have asked me to do
i will follow your every command
not because you asked for it
but because i want to do it

i should be deleting my last post because of this
but no
what i felt should remain there
what i felt should be read

because this is my blog

my salad of emotions

now i do believe how hard it is to feel for another
now i do believe how hard it is to express
how hard it is to be hurt
because i've been hurt before
a lot of times
very painful times
sometimes i just want things to stop
i just want to be somebody else
be somewhere else
be gone

but there are things that bring my hopes up
there are people who do
this is when someone catches my heart
takes hold of it
hold it very tight
its painful at times
but i seem to enjoy every moment it happens
because i believe in the person to never let go

never let go...

and i never did
at times when you talk i just wanna cry
i want to be heard
talking may not be enough
i know it isn't
never will be enough
even in my deepest emotions i know i must see for myself
take hold of it what it is holding you
but not tighter for you may let it slip
or worse break it

i wont break it...

i promise you this
i hope you understand
i hope you feel
i hope we could be together one day
i hope we could hold our hands
i hope i could stare at you sleeping
i hope i could stare at you awake
i hope it would be forever
i hope it would be true

i'm hoping it from you

i want to hear what you have to say
please...

this is the salad of my emotions
this is food for my soul
this is what fills me
because i never want to be hungry again
ever...

a new chapter nga ba?

sana this is a new chapter na gud
ang pinag-iba nga lang, mey dumating

noon, mey umalis...
pero ok na din un umalis...
kasi mey bumukas na mas nice, mas astig, alam nya yun...

the one reason kung bakit ako nag ha-hang on sa ganitong existence...
binibigyan nya ako ng reason para mag pursige...
sana alam nya kung gano cya ka-importante sakin

kahit malayo pa siya, alam ko andito lang siya...
nasa tabi ko, nasa isip ko, nasa puso ko...
nyaks

nun parang korny pakinggan, pero ngaun...
i don't care...

kini ang gugmang giatay...
sana maintindihan ito ng nut2x ko...

Gugmang Giatay

buot kong ikaw masayod
og paminawon mo
kay kung pananglit, yam-iran mo
mga panumpa og pasalig ko
og kun ugaling
kalit kang mubiya
di ko kapugngan
walug ning mga luha

kay ikaw akong himaya
handumon ko matag karon og unya
ikaw langit og yuta akong pinangga

unya mihabol ang kangitngit
nga giduyugan sa ulan
ug sa kalit lang nahanaw
ang bidlisyo sa adlaw

oh kahayag...
sa imong panagway
nga naulipon sa gugmang giatay
inday paminawa, kabos kong gugma
nga kanimo akong igasa
dili ko man mahatag ang tanang bahandi
ning kalibutan
apan inday,
dungga intawn
ning alaot nga naulipon
sa gugmang giatay

Song of the Week for Me

Because You Live
Jesse McCartney


Staring out at the rain with a heavy heart
It's the end of the world in my mind
Then your voice calls me back like a wake up call
I've been looking for the answer
Somewhere
I couldn't see that it was right there
But now I know what I didn't know

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has twice as many stars in the sky

It's alright, I survived, I'm alive again
Cuz of you, made it though every storm
What is life, whats the use if your killed inside
I'm so glad I found an angel
Someone
Who was there when all my hopes fell
I wanna fly, looking in your eyes

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has twice as many stars in the sky
Because you live, I live

Because you live there's a reason why
I carry on when I lose the fight
I want to give what you've given me always

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has twice as many stars in the sky

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has everything I need to survive

Because you live, I live, I live

should i stay or should i go?

i've been here for about 10 hours
i feel i should go somewhere else
like home

i know i'm gonna get messed up later
i feel it
yet i do not fear
because i know my faults
i know my choices

a choice i made turned ugly
it grew
and i has got rotten

but i still hang on to it
i even nurture it
it has grown big now
it has grown ugly
it has grown bad

should i stay or should i go?
maybe i should
neither

unsuccessful cooking

spent the whole dawn reading full 5 food magazines and thought: will i ever cook?
i tried to do so

woken up again by my mum, with lots of nag
she nagged me
and she never bores

so i decided to eat alone after they all left for work
there was one problem: breakfast sucks
so i decided again
there was one solution: i'm gonna cook

so i got a piece of cold meat on the freezer
crushed some garlic
poured on some soy sauce
vinegar
calamansi juice
and sprinkled some black pepper

i thought of asking for some olive oil from my ate next door
but i thought: why olive oil?
it felt right
but i did not pursue
went to the cupboard
got some vegetable oil
got content

all i thought was that it would end up right
damn
i haven't even started right
i forgot to turn on the electric stove
so i have to wait for a few minutes
forget it
i looked to my right and there it was: the oven toaster

i put my prepared meat on the toaster plate
turned the toaster on
set it for full 15 minutes
somehow it felt right

when it reached 7 minutes i turned it back to 15 minutes
maybe it would cook better
so i waited

when the toaster alarmed signaling its doneness
i looked at my piece of meat
it looked right

so i took it out
put it on a platter and started on it

what the f*ck
still raw

all for stephenie

almost over

at last i've found my apex
whew

a hard climb
a hard fall

but someday it will be for the good
coz someday it is the best ever

almost over

i'm not floating

i thought blogging was this easy
it never is

you never know what you are gonna put
maybe because my life is so redundant
there's nothing new
there's nothing to blog about

to wake up at 1 in the afternoon with no breakfast
and there it is waiting on the warmer
food from last night's festivities
too much for my stomach to handle

to learn that the only way to your gf's bedroom is
blocked
they put something like a barrier which
i cannot pass thru
it just kills me

i found russ's deleting my comment on his missing james
funny
i'm not surprised
i laughed out loud
after all

after all

i'm not yet wasted

two thirty in the morning. but i'm still facing this machine. maybe after a few minutes i will reconsider going home. maybe. but things will get very complicated when i do. what the hell.

what i thought to be one the best nights of my entire existence turned sour. turned unprofitable. turned ugly. maybe not too ugly. it went out just a little well, unorthodox. what the hell.

but i'm not yet wasted. i'm not drunk. i'm just weird and all. too much is good. but too little could drive you crazy.

here i go again.

i'm grounding myself tomorrow

for the past few months i haven't tired of hanging out just about anywhere. from cafe to cafe, from school to school, from mall to mall. coming home around dawn. i'm so tired i just wanna take a break.

so i'm grounding myself tomorrow. i will try my best to wake up late. i'm gonna relax on the sofa, straight across the tv set, with a beverage on one hand, a bag of chips on the other.

i might just do household chores.
maybe.

but this only takes effect tomorrow. for friday is another day. friday is survivor day. and i think u.p. is having this chill-out party. and that i'm not missing.

i've found my "counselor"

thank whoever it is to thank, namely vera for getting a bit of my point.
but putting that aside:

i really am floating. but at times i feel like having this heavy burden, a yoke i was not willing to take, kinda like "you don't have a choice"
but i did have a choice.
i just didn't take it.

whatever.
i just felt like it.

i saw somebody today. nostalgia overtook me. like the old times.
imok is falling. not into oblivion. but upwards.

one and a half

helping out people in dire need of your knowledge does make you feel light-hearted,

but getting home just in time for an hour and a half sleep before waking up gets you light-headed as well.

all is well if they pass the friggin exam. or else all i've sacrificed(sic) for the night before will be put to waste. although i wasn't the "best" tutor, i think i've made my point.

i just hope their stupid teacher goes with the flow and really sticks to her word: multiple choice and true or false.

two hours, or a one and a half sleep is not a very convenient situation.

honestly. i can tell. i'm going through it. zzz...

i'm half empty, half full

i'm giving up on the wheel of life...
it's fun when you're on top of it but gets real sad when you're at the opposite...
right now i'm in neither, i'm off of it...
for good...
and the best part of it is i can't bother anyone about it...
i hope...
people are really gonna get mad
get sad
get lonely
feel regret
feel resent
feel guilty
and i certainly hope they do...

after nicotine and cigarettes

i honestly hope this goes away
the sour aftertaste of menthol cigarettes
my lips tremble everytime i inhale the fume
my stomach upsets like i've had a bad day
and i think i did
but it doesn't matter
everytime i smoke, i don't think of lung cancer and nicotine sticking on my teeth
i don't
maybe i do
but care, no

dull and boring amf

omg life is so boring,
so redundant, so cyclic.
im too bored. there's nothing new with me,
there's nothing new with the people around me.
amf...

boring...

drunk and driving

i do not know exactly why am i posting when i am drunk and driving. drunk because we just had this drinking session near school coz of a friend's birthday. driving because im currently driving meself mad. im mad because it wasn't enough. i'm not totally drunk mind you. and i totally miss somebody. lolz.

I have to set things straight again

this time I'm setting bended twinges back into vertical conformity once and for all... for the umpteenth time i've been trying to induce meself to blog, write, blog etc but things always seem to slip thru my cerebellum or cerebrum what the hell... i found a new way to spend my precious time: nothing. i'm tired of waiting for somebody to intervene on what has been happening. i need somebody, anybody, even mr. duarts who i sordidly miss. sana this time i get things right, spend my money right, spend my time right. even get 4 + 5 right for god's sake.

si imok ambot

si imok ambot
nganong nangutot
nasimhutan sa lamok
kalouy natepok

kinsa ni si imok
nga sigeg lag hagok
momata motindog
gahagok gabarog

kung si imok mobarog
mapuling sa abog
kay siya mangutot
ay si imok ambot