perhaps its not our time

crap, i get emo once again.

yet not seeing you for quite awhile dont hurt me at all. im not joking. but when i hear news about you i go "i dont care". but its true. perhaps its not our time. just when we get all mushy and wipy i look out and see this person not meant to be for me. too far away now. remember i said "you dont know how low i got to be near you"; "you dont know how i sacrificed a lot of things just to be near you"; "how i gave up everything for you"; "yet you dont care about anything at all". maybe you've read all ive sent you but then you might have not read it. when i saw you two days ago i knew there was something you meant to say to me but then things just aint fit to do so. when i passed you by i knew you meant to open your mouth to say something to me yet you never did. perhaps its not our time yet. perhaps, maybe i must let go. move on. move away.

and im planning to do so. gibberish. i know i cant. do you know my favorite line? "find me someone else this person, find me someone else that person" and they say "yeah i know this person, yes i know that person and e'd be really fit for you". "do you want this type of person, do you like that type of person". haha. cliche. i reply: "yeah maybe id like to know this person, give me that persons number and maybe ill send an sms".

crap.

maybe ill just go back to who i was before. and then forget about everything that happened when everything fell into place when we met. actually we never met. now i wonder.

despite that, i still care.

crap.

maybe ill go drinking my way home tonight. maybe ill go drunk and slap everybody, yell at everybody and then maybe youd notice me saying out your name.

maybe i wont. because i dont.

crap.

i'd give you flowers but...

i cant...

now vera's bugging me why cant i
she's bugging me who

yet she doesnt know
she has a guess

and i say she aint right...

my birthday passed... didnt even see you...
didnt even come to me...

someone came all right...
not you...

i hope someone got to you
told you to care
told you to feel

cuz you didnt

now i think you do
even when i dont see you

damn... bug in my shirt
dogs all over the place

bark

9 am and still sleepy

i feel like horseshit everytime i sit there. looking across adrienne really gives me the creeps. like hell she's my trainer before and now we're in the same class, but she's not teaching anymore. she's my classmate!!! at one point in an exam i got two points higher than what she got. regarding subject-verb agreement! weird aint it? i learned the best from her i must say. and to my left i found someone, again troublesome. she's not troublesome, but troubled. i retract, she's not troublesome, but troubled. i repeat, troublesome not troubled.

hope i get worms in my stupid ass. my "current" is sitting right beside me playing counter-strike; a game i quit playing three years ago. everybody thinks im iori from KOF. hell not. i used to look like one. my mind is boggled. shake it. off? nope. just shake it.

and i hope things go out fine for me. three weeks into the "relationship" is okay. O K A Y. good thing, not reading, busy playing.

tomorrow is a 9 am schedule. im sleepy right now. tomorrow im pretty sure im gonna be. going to be. sorry rikki. ill change.

N.E.W.S.

balik tag bisaya ani animal. makabugo man day nang magpuyo sa inyong balay. ambut balay ba ni namu. treated as housemate man ko sa bahay ni ate. parehas ra pud sa balay ni papa ug mama. ay nalag pangutana sa bahay ni tita. nya napay usa. sa bahay ni nang susan. wirdo.
kalimot ko naa paman diay kuy buhaton. kalimtan lang gud. ana man jud na. cge nalang kug ingon sa akong kaugalingon: nabogo napod ko.
ok ra busy man akong chubi2x. term ba na? dili uy. sa kadaghan sa akong giagi-an nga problema may gani kai naa pa kuy panahon ana. animal unsaon di akoy nagtuga2x. busa, di na ko mouli sa balay nga magdala og duha ka lata nga red horse. kai makit-an kag silingan, ipa-ila2x ka sa usa ka tawo... ugma uyab na mo. waaaa!
nabogo ko.
wa nay sulod akong huna2x kundi balita. NEWS bah.
North, East, West, South...
tinuod bitaw nabogo na ko.

plastic cups in my cupboard

first of all i would like to say: i'm sick
i'm sick cuz my body is sick. hope this fever never goes away. hope this goes on forever. im getting used to it. im getting the hang of it. better hang myself then.
i'm sick cuz my mind is sick. im as dumb as ever again. talk to mawixs equals talk to the hand. and i never learn. you really can't teach an old dog new tricks.(f*ck with that dog language, woot! another d*g. f*ck!)
i'm sick cuz my... my mind who controls my... who pumps... ah well... lets stop that. its getting green when its never really intended to be.
i think ill never recover. i think im gonna lose everything. everytime i look at you i step on shit. everytime i hear your voice i break my neck. everytime i think of you i cry.
yet no one ever sees me cry. yet no one ever feels my suffering. you never read anything that i write. no use. useless perhaps. at least everyone else knows. i think we can make out a quote:
"when you can't tell it the person you want to, tell it to everybody else. he'll know eventually, from everybody"
or... im thinking PERSON knows. but is just damn too scared to admit the same way. is just making excuses to forget. is using somebody to force me to creep. i hope you dont hurt OPPOSITE PERSON okay? or else i'd be feeling mixed emotions. evil me again.
i hope im having the time of my life with my BESTFRIEND. which i think i am. subtle things work out for me nowadays. smiles everywhere. CLUE: smiles everywhere. i think im demanding too much from BESTFRIEND. well i get scolded everytime i drink.
for one: im sick.
for two: i drink too much.
for three: i outlast BESTFRIEND during those drinking sessions.
for four: parents scolding a twenty year old guy for drinking while sick isnt really my piece of cake.
whoa another nice note. aside from the fact that everybody now calls me mawixs, they gave me yet another cool nickie: THE IRON LIVER!!! (goodness gracious)


these are just little plastic cups. the real things are outside. inside im a plastic kind-of-guy. but outside is really who i am. <-- ALL FALSE
open my cupboard. see if there are rats. if you see one. kill it. you might get lucky and kill me too...

this is not myself

if i were marooned on an island just with you. i never said that...

New found music, New found love

Better Together
Jack Johnson

There’s no combination of words I could put on the back of a postcard
No song that I could sing
But I can try for your heart and our dreams
And they are made out of real things
Like a shoebox of photographs with sepia-tone lovin’
Love is the answer, at least for most of the questions in my heart
Like why are we here? and where do we go? and how come it's so hard?
It’s not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving
I’ll tell you one thing
It’s always better when we're together

Mmmm it’s always better when we’re together
Yeah, we’ll look at them stars and we’re together
Well, it’s always better when we’re together
Yeah, it’s always better when we’re together

And all of these moments just might find
Their way into my dreams tonight
But I know that they’ll be gone when the morning light sings
Or brings new things
For tomorrow night you see that they’ll be gone too
Too many things I have to do
But if all of these dreams might find their way
Into my day to day scene
I’d be under the impression I was somewhere in between
With only two, just me and you
Not so many things we got to do
Or places we got to beWe’ll sit beneath the mango tree now
Yeah, it’s always better when we’re together

Mmmm we’re somewhere in between together
Well, it’s always better when we’re together
Yeah, it’s always better when we’re together
Mmmm mmmm mmmmmmmmm

I believe in memories
They look so, so pretty when I sleep
Hey now and, and when I wake up
You look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time
And there is no, no song I could sing
And there is no combination of words I could say
But I will still tell you one thing
We’re Better together

____________________________________

it rings inside my head,
thumper twice and thrice i sing aloud

i talk and i never listen,
but when you're around...

i think i'll never sleep again
for i'm afraid to lose you

once again i talk
but when you're around...

the 30-day remorse period

hmm lemme check... still 7 days, still got 23 days to go

i'm pretty sure its not gonna take that long for me to realize, i messed up dude...

tonight i'm gonna face you with clusterfuck stupidity. i'm gonna drink to my heart's content.

tonight i'm gonna be drunk, right in front of you. and i'm gonna splurt vomit in front of your face.

and i'm gonna laugh.


not that i want to, but i've got nothing to do.

what am i gonna say to you? (screw you would be one possibility)


nope i'm not that evil. i've been evil long enough to realize there is what we call:

"30-day remorse period"


don't you worry, it's still 7 days.

21 days more to go.


i thought i'd never ever talk to you. damn you talk to me first.

and everytime we meet i feel mushy, it ain't showing ain't it?

as i've told you i'm getting used to this.


headline news:

Mawixs now hates dogs

Mawixs now never passes by their front porch whenever dogs are in front

Mawixs now apologizes for every "bulsyet na-bastos napud ko" he says everytime you're around

Mawixs is now not called Mawixs


"ka busy ba!"

I'm Listening To A Dog Barking

lately, specifically like a month or two til now, my mind has been listening to your sound. your barking makes my heart go warm and mushy. oh i miss mashed potatoes at mocha blends every after shift. like it hasn't been the same. although you bring me problems and worries i don't care at all. like when we see each other, even just for a second. although we don't speak it, we know. it sucks to be in this position.
i think i pretty like the way your mom treats me. cordial. your pop too. and i don't care what they think or not. i guess they pretty know that's it. but they don't care. i think that matters. everytime me and my friends hang around and your mom passes by, people start to tease me. hey, i'm not numb. i say hi. and she replies: "salamat dong". pretty laconic way to say a lot of things to me. and i preciate that.
you and your circle of friends. im pretty sure you don't notice it but i do. i know i'm one of you peeps' favorite topics. funny thing is, you always run away from them everytime sensitive topics come up. like you're afraid to say something. hope you're not. hope you tell it to me first.
although i don't like it, but since that incident by the creek with "agta and polaks" i now understand why you do things like that to me. and believe me, i do the same things to you.
and i feel liek i'm now a confirmed shrink that everybody goes to for help. whatever the consequences are i try to help out. like i got no problems of my own. big time.
funny thing is, when we see each other tonight. don't piss me off, cuz i might not see daylight.

awf awf...

Back to Basics a.k.a. The Return of the Comeback Part IV

i just turned 20 again. damn. i was wishing it'd go back to 19 but no. even if i had to search for all the seven dragon balls and make a wish, all the genie/dragon/whatever would say is: "that wish is out of stock"
it took me a can of beer to realize that. nobody in the right mind would go to the convenience store at 8 o'clock in the morning and ask for a can of beer. "putang ina", manang lolit told me. "matulog ka muna dong, then i'd sell you one". on instinct, i replied "animal, kung dili ka ayaw"
and i went to the other store. without hesitation, mr. onik sold me the prized can of beer. and i drank it in front of manang lolit's store. nice move.
well i slept around an hour later only to find out it was almost 10 in the morning. hell it'd be so hot in my room cuz its almost noon. and so i slept again on the sofa, which is even hotter. turning 20 does make you choose stupid decisions.
honestly i'd be telling a lie if i told you i turned 20 again. but technically im not. everytime i wake up i know im still 20. and this is what happens every single time. drunk or not. i may not be proud of it but i feel comfortable knowing im not turning 21 tomorrow.
and it will break my heart if i do.

I Want Things To Be Simple

Don't need cool shades
For a good feel
You can keep the fancy clothes
I'll take walkin in the rain
Over things material
I'll trade Girbaud and the big names
Give me faces that I know
Just play a melody that everybody knows

Take it down, down, down
And strip it to the core
I don't really need much less is more, more, more

True to life, true to me
The way it's got to be
So simple, so simple, so simple
Live to love, love to be
Absolutely free
So simple, so simple, simple

Give me wisdom, plain and truthful
Teach me somethin I don't know
Plain as education, inspiration I suppose
Give me family, on a Sunday
And I'll be just fine
There's nothing in the world
That's worth more of my time

Take it down, down, down
And strip it to the core
I don't really need much less is more, more, more

Livin my dream, is my song to the world
Let 'em hear it
Sharin' my soul and spirit
I'm hopin that you hear it
Got one life to live
It's only what you make it
Every new day's a chance worth takin

this is just normal

tryin to analyze every angle, situation. tryin to find an explanation. cause it's gettin aggrivating. why my relationships never seem to work out? beginnin' to worry and doubt. if i'm even able to detect its the one. when this day you're wonderin. why I havent seen the sun. shine this light on my heart and help me ease the pain. cause I'm gettin tired of the rain...

fallin on my heartbreak and I get my hopes up when I'm in love. until we break up then I'm back to the same spot, I've been lonely, drownin cause every one turns out to be the same. so now I'm questionin' is it me to blame?

is it me? am I so complicated?
is it me? or is love over-rated?
is it me? cause I dont quite understand why it never turns out how I thought I planned it
is it me? am I too independent?
is it me? not ready for commitment?
is it me? cause it doesnt seem to last and it's the only question that I never asked

maybe I'm longin' for it more than I should be expecting. all the standards that I'm settin. unrealistically I'm gettin. possibly in the way of what is left to have in store because I'm so confused and insecure cause when i know for certain everything is goin wrong. I permitted to prolong. tried my best to hold on. my is it right's probably hangin round my window pane while I look through only watchin the rain...

fallin on my heartbreak and I get my hopes up when I'm in love until we break up then I'm back to the same spot, I've been lonely, drownin cause every one turns out to be the same so now I'm questionin' is it me to blame?

never thought it could be that its me till i realized I`m the only common factor and played a big part in lettin people break my heart never noticin' I was wasting time askin the same thing every time who were you with? and where were you at? until I took the time to turn and look back...

pubes on your head

i finally had the nerve to finally have my hair fixed. and well, mixed reactions are what i got. i remember one person telling me "no comment". all i do was laugh along. deep inside i wondered, did i do something wrong? as i went to work i realized what if people would laugh at my new hair? dammit dude you're already on your way, and it wouldn't hurt to try to show up. and if i ever made an absence, lolx i'd get busted. so no to absences and why the hell would i? i'm with the nicest set of people someone could ever have. funny thing is, when i arrived at work, people did the same thing! i don't mean just like my hair, but they also changed some things to make themselves feel good, while not looking good. ^^
well goodbye to my old hair and welcome this new one. its a weird feeling knowing something on you has changed, something nice. you feel like you don't want anything to happen to it. so hello muriatic acid! hello acetone! hello mr. clean! joke!
thanks to a kind hearted person who showed me the best way to ruin someone's hair, i did it. wherever you are i know that the nuno sa punsos and the capres will take care you. and i will. ^^
this doesn't mean i'm changing and forgetting. everytime i think of it i wonder. will my special someone like it? what'd say? will'd kill me? dammit! i wish i asked permission.

what's with my hair anyways?
its just pubes on your head^^

its been awhile

yes it has been awhile since i last posted, and the feeling sucks when you can't seem to let it all out when you need to. lolers financial constraints. well technically i am in it. but if i really want to get out of it, it would hurt my pride. better rot in hell than ask from mama. haha. and what's wrong with asking from your parents? well everything.
for one, im too old to ask. number two, i can look for a job now. which im doing by the way and successfully transferred from one call center to another. i hate call center-hopping. number three, i dont like asking money from them. it always starts a fight, or i get like a litany of all my sins, worst of all we never see each other. only rarely.
well basically im happy and content, but not. im happy cuz i finally know something very creepy it sends shivers down my spine. but its cool knowing it. haha. like i would tell anyone. im content cuz i finally am gonna have my own living once again. happy and content days are here again.
im not because i still feel something hollow inside me. maybe i need time and space. "i wanna go to manila" is still on my mind. i cant seem to place it. i wanna see you. like im talking to somebody.
its been awhile.
its been awhile since we talked. its been awhile since i last heard your voice. i hope i hear it again. bumili ka na nga ng celphone imok! well, ill move that priority up two places than previously. but still my main priority is to instill into children every evil deed there is. im mister evil mind you.
its been awhile.

adobo ala asukal

just when i get my hopes up, i get jitterbugs when i try to think of the possibilities that may come up. happy days are back, im always full, and things like ciggies arent much in my mind. oh god i miss those days. stimulants? nope, they depress you. promise.
just when i thought it was my payday, yep it was. it was. i just held on my money for like, four hours and then it was all gone. but lets not talk about those stuff. i would get it off my mind in like a sec, but look its back. twice in a row i met somebody whom i wish i wouldnt ever meet again. and i had to wait for a month to really get over the previous encounter. dammit. but hey here goes my irony. i enjoyed it. bwahaha.
i felt happy just getting home cooking my own dinner, well technically my breakfast. cooking for yourself really is therapy, it lets you choose what you put into what you eat. it lets you choose the color of the food, its flavor, and well how well it is done. cooking adobo, plain adobo is simple. i was gonna put into the pan but i thought, hey lets makes this adobo special. i looked around for things i might put into and something caught my eye. perfect.
brown sugar.
i cooked the brown sugar first, turned it into "latik" and put it into a serving bowl. then i cooked the adobo as anyone would do. then i poured the "latik" into the adobo and hey, its adobo ala asukal! but i was not done yet. another thing caught my eye and it gave me this perfect idea. for a dip i mean. mayo!
im full. even writinf this entry makes me hungry. better get home and cook!

Never Sleep For A Few Hours

just when i say to myself i'm gonna sleep for a few hours cuz i'mma go sumwhere early and then i sleep so deeply when i wake up its way past my deadline. im definitely pissed off at the thought but hey, whats done is done. and then i try to cook sumthing in the kitchen and i recall, hey i had this dream. this wonderful dream.
i dreamt i was in a beach with sum of my friends. dont recall who they were but i kinda knew they were friends cuz we were having fun and all. it wasn't in a typical beach with white sands and everythin, it was in a crytal clear one with only big rocks instead of a long stretch of sand. people across were telling sum people to go there and they did. they walked on top of the water like Jesus did on one stormy night. i wasn't even amazed by it. i just looked at them like it was sum normal thing. thing is i tried to step onto the water to try if i could do it like them and sadly my feet dipped and got wet. i thought i was supernatural or sumthin. i thought i was gonna swim for it but sumbody mysteriously put wooden planks into the water so i can ride across. when i reached the other side i was suddenly overwhlemed by so many people and i felt like im being crushed so moved to the center where no one was and sat, laughed with them, listened to their jokes and everythin. then the brother comes in, shakes my hand and hands me sumthin. nothing to be suprised of, its a bbq on a stick. so i ate it and while i was eating it here comes my soulmate, my acclaimed soulmate. only i know that. sits beside me and says "can we go sumwhere?" i thought well since im suffocating in all this how about we go? so we stood and walked towards my house which magically appeared in front of us and walked in. another magical thing our neighbor was selling things on the first floor and i said to her "manang, papasok po kami". my soulmate suddenly took my hand and walked me into. and then another magical thing happened. when we walked into the door when we came in, or out, we were in this pathway to somewhere i dont recall. i think i knew the place cuz sumthin reminds me of it. walking towards sumwhere i do not know and just holding my arm gets me weird jitterbugs and stupid mind flashes but hey i enjoyed it. we came onto this intersection and so many people i knew were there but mostly they were people whom my soulmate would be seen with. we talked to a few of them cuz my soulmate was asking for sumthin and i was acting puzzled just trying to be cute or sumthin, tryin to be in control is not my kind of a guy. then i suddenly got flashes of consciousness, streaks of coming to and thats's it. the end of my wonderful dream. nonsense dream, but hey i enjoyed it.

What's wrong with staring?

How nice it is to stay at home.

Hehe. I stayed at home the whole day. And I thought it'd be boring. It was. But I enjoyed it. Maybe I like boring things, boring people, boring events. Rather than hyperactive people, action or PVP's, and even drinking sessions. Cuz I get disappointments after them. Because I look forward to things when I'm in them. But when you're in boring stuff, you don't expect things to happen. But sometimes things do. Like today.

Something un-boring came up during my boring day. I just stared. And stared. Stared. Stared. Getting tired of staring? Well I'm not. And that's what I did. I stared. God I love that word. Stared.

I stared for like, eternity and I got myself full. With just staring you'll get full? Sure, why not? And like I stared so hard the person ran. Who ran? Secret. Maybe won't even read my blog. But I guess someone'll get jealous. I hope not. What wrong with staring? It's plainly unmalicious. Right? Stare at someone. Try. You won't get slapped in the face for staring at somebody. Just don't stare at those things you're thinking about.

Please don't get jealous mind you. Won't change the fact that its you I'd rather stare than anybody else. And how can I stare at you. Someday I will. I want to. And I know you'd never run away. You'd even stare back at me.

I hope I get more boring days at home. Then I'd get to stare at more people. Then someday they'd stare back at me.

A lot of things since then

Finally SOMEONE read my blog. At last. I was waiting for that.
I haven't been able to post since I'm busy(buying and selling red broken seal stones mind you).

Announcement:
I have long hair. Once again. Everytime my mum sees me it's always the same script: "Patupe na intawn dong, maluoy ka sa imong buhok. Kalas kay kag shampoo."(Please have your hair cut, have pity on it. You're to costly on shampoo).
To mama:
Ma, I buy my own shampoo. My hair is allergic to other shampoos mind you.
To my hair:
Don't mind mama. Keep on growing, I love you for that.
To myself:
Keep up the good work Maux, then have it fixed. Its what you've always wanted.

Next up:
My get-up. Its not a get-up but I'm back to "my basics". Waa since I bought something(secret), I think I just want to wear the same thing everyday(not my underwear mind you). This consists of any short pants, any no-collar shirt, slippers, and a hat. Dammit Alden palihug ko intawn akong cap(please my cap) return it. Along with the money you borrowed.

Note:
I don't drink as much as often mind you. So if someone is reading this, hopefully, then here it is. I don't drink as often. I only drink when Socy asks me to, or when there is an occasion. And I don't drink with any person. I usually like intelligent conversations during drinking sessions. This keeps me sober.

Still on my mind(meaning, still evaluating):
Nooo I not enrolling myself at any gym. It is pretty tempting, considering the fact that most of my buddies are enrolled, but the fact remains that it is a manifestation of someone's vanity. And I am not vain. If I were vain, I would have done that too long ago. I've had opportunities long before. But that would mean I would have to let go of many things. Like:
My vice. Not shabu OMG!
My time. I like to just sit and think.
My fasting. I love to eat, but my appetite isn't telling me to eat.
And if I were to enroll, possibilities like these would surface:
Getting highlights.
Spa everyday.
High-protein diet.
Purchasing a pair of shades.
Complexion enhancing products.
Silence.
Going out with "healthy people" with no drinking liquor involved. Noooo....

It pains my liver not to drink, pains my *secret not to *secret. Haha, its not what you think.
Maybe I should read a good book. A new book. Something intersting. Not fantasy. I like non-fiction. But not encyclo's. No way.

Sometimes I just feel like dying. Like now. Or be somewhere else. Like five minutes ago. Or be someboy else. Like an hour ago.
Maybe this is who I am. Noob.

Ang Aso Kong Panget!

Si Masungit! baw
Arte mo! baw
Swapang ka bah? Baw
Ako, cute! Baw
Panget ka! Baw
Ano ako? Aso? Bawawaw
Pero...
Type ko yang si... Bawawaw

Eto In-edit ko na!

O sige na nga... Cute na kung cute!