the 30-day remorse period

hmm lemme check... still 7 days, still got 23 days to go

i'm pretty sure its not gonna take that long for me to realize, i messed up dude...

tonight i'm gonna face you with clusterfuck stupidity. i'm gonna drink to my heart's content.

tonight i'm gonna be drunk, right in front of you. and i'm gonna splurt vomit in front of your face.

and i'm gonna laugh.


not that i want to, but i've got nothing to do.

what am i gonna say to you? (screw you would be one possibility)


nope i'm not that evil. i've been evil long enough to realize there is what we call:

"30-day remorse period"


don't you worry, it's still 7 days.

21 days more to go.


i thought i'd never ever talk to you. damn you talk to me first.

and everytime we meet i feel mushy, it ain't showing ain't it?

as i've told you i'm getting used to this.


headline news:

Mawixs now hates dogs

Mawixs now never passes by their front porch whenever dogs are in front

Mawixs now apologizes for every "bulsyet na-bastos napud ko" he says everytime you're around

Mawixs is now not called Mawixs


"ka busy ba!"

I'm Listening To A Dog Barking

lately, specifically like a month or two til now, my mind has been listening to your sound. your barking makes my heart go warm and mushy. oh i miss mashed potatoes at mocha blends every after shift. like it hasn't been the same. although you bring me problems and worries i don't care at all. like when we see each other, even just for a second. although we don't speak it, we know. it sucks to be in this position.
i think i pretty like the way your mom treats me. cordial. your pop too. and i don't care what they think or not. i guess they pretty know that's it. but they don't care. i think that matters. everytime me and my friends hang around and your mom passes by, people start to tease me. hey, i'm not numb. i say hi. and she replies: "salamat dong". pretty laconic way to say a lot of things to me. and i preciate that.
you and your circle of friends. im pretty sure you don't notice it but i do. i know i'm one of you peeps' favorite topics. funny thing is, you always run away from them everytime sensitive topics come up. like you're afraid to say something. hope you're not. hope you tell it to me first.
although i don't like it, but since that incident by the creek with "agta and polaks" i now understand why you do things like that to me. and believe me, i do the same things to you.
and i feel liek i'm now a confirmed shrink that everybody goes to for help. whatever the consequences are i try to help out. like i got no problems of my own. big time.
funny thing is, when we see each other tonight. don't piss me off, cuz i might not see daylight.

awf awf...

Back to Basics a.k.a. The Return of the Comeback Part IV

i just turned 20 again. damn. i was wishing it'd go back to 19 but no. even if i had to search for all the seven dragon balls and make a wish, all the genie/dragon/whatever would say is: "that wish is out of stock"
it took me a can of beer to realize that. nobody in the right mind would go to the convenience store at 8 o'clock in the morning and ask for a can of beer. "putang ina", manang lolit told me. "matulog ka muna dong, then i'd sell you one". on instinct, i replied "animal, kung dili ka ayaw"
and i went to the other store. without hesitation, mr. onik sold me the prized can of beer. and i drank it in front of manang lolit's store. nice move.
well i slept around an hour later only to find out it was almost 10 in the morning. hell it'd be so hot in my room cuz its almost noon. and so i slept again on the sofa, which is even hotter. turning 20 does make you choose stupid decisions.
honestly i'd be telling a lie if i told you i turned 20 again. but technically im not. everytime i wake up i know im still 20. and this is what happens every single time. drunk or not. i may not be proud of it but i feel comfortable knowing im not turning 21 tomorrow.
and it will break my heart if i do.

I Want Things To Be Simple

Don't need cool shades
For a good feel
You can keep the fancy clothes
I'll take walkin in the rain
Over things material
I'll trade Girbaud and the big names
Give me faces that I know
Just play a melody that everybody knows

Take it down, down, down
And strip it to the core
I don't really need much less is more, more, more

True to life, true to me
The way it's got to be
So simple, so simple, so simple
Live to love, love to be
Absolutely free
So simple, so simple, simple

Give me wisdom, plain and truthful
Teach me somethin I don't know
Plain as education, inspiration I suppose
Give me family, on a Sunday
And I'll be just fine
There's nothing in the world
That's worth more of my time

Take it down, down, down
And strip it to the core
I don't really need much less is more, more, more

Livin my dream, is my song to the world
Let 'em hear it
Sharin' my soul and spirit
I'm hopin that you hear it
Got one life to live
It's only what you make it
Every new day's a chance worth takin

this is just normal

tryin to analyze every angle, situation. tryin to find an explanation. cause it's gettin aggrivating. why my relationships never seem to work out? beginnin' to worry and doubt. if i'm even able to detect its the one. when this day you're wonderin. why I havent seen the sun. shine this light on my heart and help me ease the pain. cause I'm gettin tired of the rain...

fallin on my heartbreak and I get my hopes up when I'm in love. until we break up then I'm back to the same spot, I've been lonely, drownin cause every one turns out to be the same. so now I'm questionin' is it me to blame?

is it me? am I so complicated?
is it me? or is love over-rated?
is it me? cause I dont quite understand why it never turns out how I thought I planned it
is it me? am I too independent?
is it me? not ready for commitment?
is it me? cause it doesnt seem to last and it's the only question that I never asked

maybe I'm longin' for it more than I should be expecting. all the standards that I'm settin. unrealistically I'm gettin. possibly in the way of what is left to have in store because I'm so confused and insecure cause when i know for certain everything is goin wrong. I permitted to prolong. tried my best to hold on. my is it right's probably hangin round my window pane while I look through only watchin the rain...

fallin on my heartbreak and I get my hopes up when I'm in love until we break up then I'm back to the same spot, I've been lonely, drownin cause every one turns out to be the same so now I'm questionin' is it me to blame?

never thought it could be that its me till i realized I`m the only common factor and played a big part in lettin people break my heart never noticin' I was wasting time askin the same thing every time who were you with? and where were you at? until I took the time to turn and look back...

pubes on your head

i finally had the nerve to finally have my hair fixed. and well, mixed reactions are what i got. i remember one person telling me "no comment". all i do was laugh along. deep inside i wondered, did i do something wrong? as i went to work i realized what if people would laugh at my new hair? dammit dude you're already on your way, and it wouldn't hurt to try to show up. and if i ever made an absence, lolx i'd get busted. so no to absences and why the hell would i? i'm with the nicest set of people someone could ever have. funny thing is, when i arrived at work, people did the same thing! i don't mean just like my hair, but they also changed some things to make themselves feel good, while not looking good. ^^
well goodbye to my old hair and welcome this new one. its a weird feeling knowing something on you has changed, something nice. you feel like you don't want anything to happen to it. so hello muriatic acid! hello acetone! hello mr. clean! joke!
thanks to a kind hearted person who showed me the best way to ruin someone's hair, i did it. wherever you are i know that the nuno sa punsos and the capres will take care you. and i will. ^^
this doesn't mean i'm changing and forgetting. everytime i think of it i wonder. will my special someone like it? what'd say? will'd kill me? dammit! i wish i asked permission.

what's with my hair anyways?
its just pubes on your head^^

its been awhile

yes it has been awhile since i last posted, and the feeling sucks when you can't seem to let it all out when you need to. lolers financial constraints. well technically i am in it. but if i really want to get out of it, it would hurt my pride. better rot in hell than ask from mama. haha. and what's wrong with asking from your parents? well everything.
for one, im too old to ask. number two, i can look for a job now. which im doing by the way and successfully transferred from one call center to another. i hate call center-hopping. number three, i dont like asking money from them. it always starts a fight, or i get like a litany of all my sins, worst of all we never see each other. only rarely.
well basically im happy and content, but not. im happy cuz i finally know something very creepy it sends shivers down my spine. but its cool knowing it. haha. like i would tell anyone. im content cuz i finally am gonna have my own living once again. happy and content days are here again.
im not because i still feel something hollow inside me. maybe i need time and space. "i wanna go to manila" is still on my mind. i cant seem to place it. i wanna see you. like im talking to somebody.
its been awhile.
its been awhile since we talked. its been awhile since i last heard your voice. i hope i hear it again. bumili ka na nga ng celphone imok! well, ill move that priority up two places than previously. but still my main priority is to instill into children every evil deed there is. im mister evil mind you.
its been awhile.

adobo ala asukal

just when i get my hopes up, i get jitterbugs when i try to think of the possibilities that may come up. happy days are back, im always full, and things like ciggies arent much in my mind. oh god i miss those days. stimulants? nope, they depress you. promise.
just when i thought it was my payday, yep it was. it was. i just held on my money for like, four hours and then it was all gone. but lets not talk about those stuff. i would get it off my mind in like a sec, but look its back. twice in a row i met somebody whom i wish i wouldnt ever meet again. and i had to wait for a month to really get over the previous encounter. dammit. but hey here goes my irony. i enjoyed it. bwahaha.
i felt happy just getting home cooking my own dinner, well technically my breakfast. cooking for yourself really is therapy, it lets you choose what you put into what you eat. it lets you choose the color of the food, its flavor, and well how well it is done. cooking adobo, plain adobo is simple. i was gonna put into the pan but i thought, hey lets makes this adobo special. i looked around for things i might put into and something caught my eye. perfect.
brown sugar.
i cooked the brown sugar first, turned it into "latik" and put it into a serving bowl. then i cooked the adobo as anyone would do. then i poured the "latik" into the adobo and hey, its adobo ala asukal! but i was not done yet. another thing caught my eye and it gave me this perfect idea. for a dip i mean. mayo!
im full. even writinf this entry makes me hungry. better get home and cook!

Never Sleep For A Few Hours

just when i say to myself i'm gonna sleep for a few hours cuz i'mma go sumwhere early and then i sleep so deeply when i wake up its way past my deadline. im definitely pissed off at the thought but hey, whats done is done. and then i try to cook sumthing in the kitchen and i recall, hey i had this dream. this wonderful dream.
i dreamt i was in a beach with sum of my friends. dont recall who they were but i kinda knew they were friends cuz we were having fun and all. it wasn't in a typical beach with white sands and everythin, it was in a crytal clear one with only big rocks instead of a long stretch of sand. people across were telling sum people to go there and they did. they walked on top of the water like Jesus did on one stormy night. i wasn't even amazed by it. i just looked at them like it was sum normal thing. thing is i tried to step onto the water to try if i could do it like them and sadly my feet dipped and got wet. i thought i was supernatural or sumthin. i thought i was gonna swim for it but sumbody mysteriously put wooden planks into the water so i can ride across. when i reached the other side i was suddenly overwhlemed by so many people and i felt like im being crushed so moved to the center where no one was and sat, laughed with them, listened to their jokes and everythin. then the brother comes in, shakes my hand and hands me sumthin. nothing to be suprised of, its a bbq on a stick. so i ate it and while i was eating it here comes my soulmate, my acclaimed soulmate. only i know that. sits beside me and says "can we go sumwhere?" i thought well since im suffocating in all this how about we go? so we stood and walked towards my house which magically appeared in front of us and walked in. another magical thing our neighbor was selling things on the first floor and i said to her "manang, papasok po kami". my soulmate suddenly took my hand and walked me into. and then another magical thing happened. when we walked into the door when we came in, or out, we were in this pathway to somewhere i dont recall. i think i knew the place cuz sumthin reminds me of it. walking towards sumwhere i do not know and just holding my arm gets me weird jitterbugs and stupid mind flashes but hey i enjoyed it. we came onto this intersection and so many people i knew were there but mostly they were people whom my soulmate would be seen with. we talked to a few of them cuz my soulmate was asking for sumthin and i was acting puzzled just trying to be cute or sumthin, tryin to be in control is not my kind of a guy. then i suddenly got flashes of consciousness, streaks of coming to and thats's it. the end of my wonderful dream. nonsense dream, but hey i enjoyed it.

What's wrong with staring?

How nice it is to stay at home.

Hehe. I stayed at home the whole day. And I thought it'd be boring. It was. But I enjoyed it. Maybe I like boring things, boring people, boring events. Rather than hyperactive people, action or PVP's, and even drinking sessions. Cuz I get disappointments after them. Because I look forward to things when I'm in them. But when you're in boring stuff, you don't expect things to happen. But sometimes things do. Like today.

Something un-boring came up during my boring day. I just stared. And stared. Stared. Stared. Getting tired of staring? Well I'm not. And that's what I did. I stared. God I love that word. Stared.

I stared for like, eternity and I got myself full. With just staring you'll get full? Sure, why not? And like I stared so hard the person ran. Who ran? Secret. Maybe won't even read my blog. But I guess someone'll get jealous. I hope not. What wrong with staring? It's plainly unmalicious. Right? Stare at someone. Try. You won't get slapped in the face for staring at somebody. Just don't stare at those things you're thinking about.

Please don't get jealous mind you. Won't change the fact that its you I'd rather stare than anybody else. And how can I stare at you. Someday I will. I want to. And I know you'd never run away. You'd even stare back at me.

I hope I get more boring days at home. Then I'd get to stare at more people. Then someday they'd stare back at me.

A lot of things since then

Finally SOMEONE read my blog. At last. I was waiting for that.
I haven't been able to post since I'm busy(buying and selling red broken seal stones mind you).

Announcement:
I have long hair. Once again. Everytime my mum sees me it's always the same script: "Patupe na intawn dong, maluoy ka sa imong buhok. Kalas kay kag shampoo."(Please have your hair cut, have pity on it. You're to costly on shampoo).
To mama:
Ma, I buy my own shampoo. My hair is allergic to other shampoos mind you.
To my hair:
Don't mind mama. Keep on growing, I love you for that.
To myself:
Keep up the good work Maux, then have it fixed. Its what you've always wanted.

Next up:
My get-up. Its not a get-up but I'm back to "my basics". Waa since I bought something(secret), I think I just want to wear the same thing everyday(not my underwear mind you). This consists of any short pants, any no-collar shirt, slippers, and a hat. Dammit Alden palihug ko intawn akong cap(please my cap) return it. Along with the money you borrowed.

Note:
I don't drink as much as often mind you. So if someone is reading this, hopefully, then here it is. I don't drink as often. I only drink when Socy asks me to, or when there is an occasion. And I don't drink with any person. I usually like intelligent conversations during drinking sessions. This keeps me sober.

Still on my mind(meaning, still evaluating):
Nooo I not enrolling myself at any gym. It is pretty tempting, considering the fact that most of my buddies are enrolled, but the fact remains that it is a manifestation of someone's vanity. And I am not vain. If I were vain, I would have done that too long ago. I've had opportunities long before. But that would mean I would have to let go of many things. Like:
My vice. Not shabu OMG!
My time. I like to just sit and think.
My fasting. I love to eat, but my appetite isn't telling me to eat.
And if I were to enroll, possibilities like these would surface:
Getting highlights.
Spa everyday.
High-protein diet.
Purchasing a pair of shades.
Complexion enhancing products.
Silence.
Going out with "healthy people" with no drinking liquor involved. Noooo....

It pains my liver not to drink, pains my *secret not to *secret. Haha, its not what you think.
Maybe I should read a good book. A new book. Something intersting. Not fantasy. I like non-fiction. But not encyclo's. No way.

Sometimes I just feel like dying. Like now. Or be somewhere else. Like five minutes ago. Or be someboy else. Like an hour ago.
Maybe this is who I am. Noob.

Ang Aso Kong Panget!

Si Masungit! baw
Arte mo! baw
Swapang ka bah? Baw
Ako, cute! Baw
Panget ka! Baw
Ano ako? Aso? Bawawaw
Pero...
Type ko yang si... Bawawaw

Eto In-edit ko na!

O sige na nga... Cute na kung cute!

Mey Iniisip

IKAW

Self-Review/Introspect/Autoscan

(*Mirror breaking) A nice break from all this brouhaha would be to stare at yourself at the mirror, just like what I did. And it broke. Shit. As I pick up the pieces of broken glass I notice I look better looking at myself in broken pieces rather than the whole mirror. Does this mean anything? Hopefully not. Hopefully yes. But I wish mirrors would reflect not only light but sound as well. Because when I said that cussing word it felt like someone else was speaking instead of me. Another person. As I reflect(*reflect lagi) on the previous shots of myself from past times, it felt weird to look at someone who looks too dissimilar to the one I'm looking at the broken shards of glass.

Another thing. It worries me that those who lost people seem to be happy of what has come. And I, someone who purportedly has it all, seem like deprived of everthing. Maybe I am just too showy. And they are not. Unfair. Cyd worries me because she should act as if the world has fallen down at her, yet she seems as if nothing has happened. And I try to console her with every emphatic sentence I learned from work:
"I'm sorry for your loss"
"I'm sorry for the inconvenience"
"I'm sure there is something we can do about it"
"Let me try to determine your support options"(woot!)
Maybe I am just too paranoid about it. I am paranoid. Fact. Undeniable.

Next week I will change. For the umpteenth time. I always say that. I hope I do. Maybe I need someone who can "sagpa" me in the face, "dapog" my lower back, "larot" my nape hair. But that specific someone never visits my site. Never, not even when I say so. "Lagot" is not what I feel, but "inis". Busy, we both work now. Far away, our lives are. Stupid, the things I dream to happen.

Maybe all this brouhaha is just the perfect recipe for breaking a mirror without even touching it. Try it. It could work you know.

The Songs That Fill The Void

Like I could listen to one song for the whole night. I could never do that. Songs for me are like moods. Whatever mood I am in, whatever song is playing in my head. And like songs, my moods last for as long as songs do. Somebody told me: "Mo, dili jud ko ka kuha sa imong aura, bisag unsaon nako wala koy makuha. Unpredictable lang gihapon." He's right. Maybe I'm best at hiding my thoughts, better yet my aura. I could be so jovial at times yet I could be so melancholic at most times. For the past week I felt myself contented with listening to the songs that play from my player. When I wake up I listen to:

Its You, Its Me by Kaskade
Selfish by Sunset Daze
Get It Together by India Arie
I'm Yours by Jason Mraz
Ever After by Bonnie Bailey

These songs fill me with inspiration to go on with the day. These are mellow yet prompt you to rise and do something good, for a change.
Lunch for me is sometimes at six in the evening, or twelve midnight. And most songs that flutter my ears are:

Happy by Ashanti
Im Real by Jennifer Lopez feat Ja Rule
Geek in the Pink by Jason Mraz
Control Myself by LL Cool J feat Jennifer Lopez
Say Something by Mariah Carey feat Snoop Dogg

As you can see, most of these songs are upbeat songs, songs that make put focus on beats other than lyrics. I don't mind the lyrics, just the beats that make my soul feel bumping. Laughs.

And what about dinner? I never have dinner. I just am content with nothing. As if someone is. I am. Maybe that is the reason why I never get fat, or fit.

Other songs?

Point of View by DB Boulevard
We Belong Together by Mariah Carey
What Can I Do by The Corrs
For You I Will by Teddy Geiger
and lots more...
These songs may be cheezy or unfit for a guy but hey, these are the songs that ring me.
Hope they ring everyone else too. :)

Ang Inamaw Nga Plano Ni Imok

Plano: OPLAN Alis Cebu/Alis Red AHT/Welcome K750i

Ay sus batia sa akong week oy. Feel gud nako malas kay: for one, wa ko ka-reach sa ako AHT goal. Syet limang kag 1 second nalang yellow na unta ko ngyawa! Red man lang gihapon. Cge lang maybe next tym I will reach yellow, even white. Jargon ni basta pasagda-i ang masulob-on og kinutlo. For two, wa nako mapalit ang akong dream phone this week. Mabaw ra? Naa pa. Next pa nako mapalit. Gusto pa mo? Nagpalit nalang kog MP3 player for this week. For three, murag hanap man ang paglaom nga madayon mi sa Panglao this Monday woist. Gaulan, gadag-om , gahilak ang kalangitan dahil wala ko mopalit og vitamins moo nang luspad lang gihapon ko. Gugma man cguroy pinaka tambal ani. Charing!
Another thing, syet kagamay sa akong sweldo woist, botoy jud akong bulsa ani inig next week bah. Mo-last long ba nako ang nahabilin nga 6k for two weeks? Inamaw. Di sakto, tag sais pesos lagi. Asa mang hustisa ani.
Praning. Ngippert. Mugna-mugna. Ayaw pag-boot, kay wala ka ka-abroad!
Perfect!!!

Schizo Right Beside Me, At My Left

I hope all the plans that I have are gonna come true:

1. Panglao next week with my team mates at work. Sana mey mangyaring scandalous! Anywayz beach naman yun so malamang. Between Mojo and Krism? Talaga!
2. Sheesha with Neil and whoever wants to come along. Coz' it looks so cool, I can only imagine myself looking like a god from ancient Hindu mythology puffing large amounts of smoke. Bwahahaha!
3. Puerto Galera with Natnat this mid-August. One-on-one para walang istorbo! No one is to come along para mey mangyari! I dunno, maybe we're gonna change plans to Boracay.
4. Speaking of Boracay, maybe this sem break with Socy and everybody. We are gonna go there as a group and leave as individuals, survivors!!! Evil intentions? Nope, Mabuhay ang di marunong lumangoy!
5. Quad-Bike or Scooter or Motorcycle? Still haven't decided but anywayz I will buy one of those within this year. I get so frustrated now with not being able to ride a jeepney immediately.

I'll just keep updating this para people will know...

Another Newly Discovered Something-Something

Depends on the mood, on which I am not on today, I scour for unintended tantrums.
Stupid questions, stupid answers. And yet I find myself quite unfamiliar with ugly people. Inside and out. Yesterday was a day for crumpled bed sheets, painful wake-me-ups, and tasteless cigarettes. And it was also a day for having no loose change. Takes me awhile to get used to this kind of lifestyle but I'm getting the hang of it. Six pesos per ride would be ok, but if the necessity arises, pay sixty bucks to get there at exactly the same duration. Dammit. Why does it have to be like that? Why do things turn out the way you expect it? I hate that. Because I expect things to turn out reverse direction. Good luck to me.
And then the newly discovered something-something...
Slaps you in the face so hard you feel dizzy. Catching you off guard so unhandedly you trip over. There right across me. And I'm so damn smoking. Wishing for permission, the eyes seem to do. They say yes, I believe. And turns away. Sh*t! Of all the reactions why does it have to be that way? Why for me? It could be for another guy. No, not for me. So the tactic to catch the attention arises. I approach to a person so near, I said: "How're you? I saw you yesterday with this guy. What were you doing together?"
The reply: "Nah, we were just hangin out. Had a few bottles of beer. Why didn't you approach me? I could have gone with you. It was so damn boring. Had nothing to do then. You're so "arte" you never approached me and could have taken me away from that decrepit place."
The reaction to this reply: "Really? I'm so sorry. Next time I see you I will approach you."

What a f*cking lousy answer! So damn stupid Zeus could have gone haywire over me. And this is all because of the cigarettes. Shouldn't have had them so early in the morning. So stupid.
Resolution: No cigarettes after shift. Period.

The 3 o'clock Syndrome

All right, my shift starts at eight. But before that I have to set up my tools like ten minutes before I clock in. Good luck to me, I'm part of the opening shift. Like I get the first few people who have issues, I mean "issues".
By the time I have my first 15-minute break, I'm a bit dizzy from the calls. It is not easy listening to people's problems, you don't even know them yet they come to you for help. And the hard part is, you have to take them somewhere to get their problem solved. It would be better if you would be able to solve their problem right there and then. It would give you a sense of achievement, a sense of fulfilment.
Midnight arrives, I take my lunch. I'm not dizzy anymore, I'm drunk. Drunk of all the problems people have, drunk from all the information coming into my head, and drunk most of all from the information coming out of my head.
And the hardest part comes. The 3 o'clock syndrome. What happens on the 3 o'clock syndrome? I get booted out of my cubicle. I have nothing to do. I get to stay on the coffee lounge, thinking about all the problems I handled, thinking if I have taken them to the proper places. That's what bums me the most. Dammit.
Good thing I have my cigarette, my coffee mug, my lighter. And the fresh mountain breeze. It suits me well amidst all the pressure. Then I won't have to worry no more.