plastic cups in my cupboard

first of all i would like to say: i'm sick
i'm sick cuz my body is sick. hope this fever never goes away. hope this goes on forever. im getting used to it. im getting the hang of it. better hang myself then.
i'm sick cuz my mind is sick. im as dumb as ever again. talk to mawixs equals talk to the hand. and i never learn. you really can't teach an old dog new tricks.(f*ck with that dog language, woot! another d*g. f*ck!)
i'm sick cuz my... my mind who controls my... who pumps... ah well... lets stop that. its getting green when its never really intended to be.
i think ill never recover. i think im gonna lose everything. everytime i look at you i step on shit. everytime i hear your voice i break my neck. everytime i think of you i cry.
yet no one ever sees me cry. yet no one ever feels my suffering. you never read anything that i write. no use. useless perhaps. at least everyone else knows. i think we can make out a quote:
"when you can't tell it the person you want to, tell it to everybody else. he'll know eventually, from everybody"
or... im thinking PERSON knows. but is just damn too scared to admit the same way. is just making excuses to forget. is using somebody to force me to creep. i hope you dont hurt OPPOSITE PERSON okay? or else i'd be feeling mixed emotions. evil me again.
i hope im having the time of my life with my BESTFRIEND. which i think i am. subtle things work out for me nowadays. smiles everywhere. CLUE: smiles everywhere. i think im demanding too much from BESTFRIEND. well i get scolded everytime i drink.
for one: im sick.
for two: i drink too much.
for three: i outlast BESTFRIEND during those drinking sessions.
for four: parents scolding a twenty year old guy for drinking while sick isnt really my piece of cake.
whoa another nice note. aside from the fact that everybody now calls me mawixs, they gave me yet another cool nickie: THE IRON LIVER!!! (goodness gracious)


these are just little plastic cups. the real things are outside. inside im a plastic kind-of-guy. but outside is really who i am. <-- ALL FALSE
open my cupboard. see if there are rats. if you see one. kill it. you might get lucky and kill me too...