The 3 o'clock Syndrome

All right, my shift starts at eight. But before that I have to set up my tools like ten minutes before I clock in. Good luck to me, I'm part of the opening shift. Like I get the first few people who have issues, I mean "issues".
By the time I have my first 15-minute break, I'm a bit dizzy from the calls. It is not easy listening to people's problems, you don't even know them yet they come to you for help. And the hard part is, you have to take them somewhere to get their problem solved. It would be better if you would be able to solve their problem right there and then. It would give you a sense of achievement, a sense of fulfilment.
Midnight arrives, I take my lunch. I'm not dizzy anymore, I'm drunk. Drunk of all the problems people have, drunk from all the information coming into my head, and drunk most of all from the information coming out of my head.
And the hardest part comes. The 3 o'clock syndrome. What happens on the 3 o'clock syndrome? I get booted out of my cubicle. I have nothing to do. I get to stay on the coffee lounge, thinking about all the problems I handled, thinking if I have taken them to the proper places. That's what bums me the most. Dammit.
Good thing I have my cigarette, my coffee mug, my lighter. And the fresh mountain breeze. It suits me well amidst all the pressure. Then I won't have to worry no more.

Two Nights Ago

never heard of you. don't talk to me. pretty much the things i said to somebody. i hurt someone. way different than before. maybe i hated too much. i must forgive. eew

two nights ago i got the time of my life. spent like two or three hours with that person and it really got me on highs. druggy you might consider but the hell

my body clock is all messed up. i mean its typical of me to be dripping saliva all over my bed for almost half the day but now i always seem to stand up automatically after five or less hours of sleep

dammit i stepped on someone's(not the same person on the first part) pride last night. to badmouth people is just nothing to me but now i realize it really is bad. duh

Losing People

I will miss Anuy. He introduced me to the wave. He was a person to talk to. Without apprehension. I realized thru Anuy that being perverted is not a bad thing, if you're not a virgin that is.
I will miss Tere. She understood me for my smoking habits. She taught me that people can really achieve when set your mind to it. Good luck with Aira. Have fun with her til it lasts.
I will miss Ate Anne. Never ran out of goodies inside her big pink bag. Will miss you for your big Spongebob hanky. With you exiting means no more food! Waaaa...
I will miss Orlie. Funny antics, gentleman at heart, role model father. You are so lucky to have a wonderful daughter. Will miss your talks about your 200 plus dogs. Someday I will hunt you. To buy a dog that is.

Drowsiness and Mood Swings

I'm having trouble controlling myself. Drowsiness really gets to me about 3 am and its not welcome. And suddenly after 4 its totally gone. Weird. Yes, weird as it may seem to me but its not for everybody else, not for any normal person.
Mood swings aren't welcome either. I mean in my kind of lifestyle any simple glitch in my system could really turn around the direction of my day. I mean it. Now it seems everybody at home just talks to me for the sake of. The sake of.
I may take it casually because they don't see much of me often. But deep inside it really does matter if they could just approach me with a simple inquiry of how work was, how my life goes by, I am self-centered I guess. But my life revolves around others. Kinda ironic.
Take me as I look and I am mean. Take me as I speak and think of others and I am totally insatiable. Take me as I am then you are mistaken.
Take me as I take you.

For Nows

Well I passed my MSV's tho the feeling is weird when u lose people. C'mon guys, staying in one room for nine hours for two weeks with twenty people does create bonds like tight. Sad to say I'm moving on without three of them, but hey! It's not the end of the world for them, I mean life has so much in store for them and once a door closes, windows open.
Next week for me, I think, is gonna be just a breeze. My first week as a solo floor agent will really test my multitasking skills but as with I've seen with the agents on the floor, it's pretty easy once you get the hang of it. I hope I get really good AHT's, I mean handling times, so I won't be forced to go on leave(shucks!).
Yesterday I had my left ear pierced. Finally. After so many years at oggling at people, especially guys my age, having their bodies pierced just about everwhere, I finally found something to suit me. Altho this is as far as I would go to embed something into my body, for now this is enough.
Finally I've had enough of Gudang's and DJ Mix's. I'm content with the reliable Marlboro Menthol for now. Next payday. I'm gonna try Cubans!

Newly Discovered Something Something

I came home late in the morning(how could that be?) and found out that it was a holiday. Of course I knew it beforehand, but wasn't expecting people would be at home. Maybe because I was setting things into my mind, like I have MSV's and one ISV coming up tonight. I really should have practiced wi-jacking on some veteran agents but then I presumed they were going to teach rather un-standard(?maybe improper) practices rather than the proper ones.

But then something caught my eye. It was there all along. I went through many hardships, many people went and gone, and still I haven't found solace. Duh, I said to myself. It was 18 years before me, I should have known. Eighteen years and I was so stupid for not realizing it until this morning. It was a "Something Something". Or a person. There all along, looking across me. Duh, I said to myself again.

Maybe I'm just overworking my thoughts. Maybe I am. Weird as it may seem, I get the mutual feeling towards me. And we're in the exact same situation. I guess, I hope.

I'm not yet ready for "Something Something". I know the history, I'm apprehending bad things to come, but as usual, its always "Something Something".

He really is sometihng

I admit

I was just not expecting other things

Oh my god I gasped... Her third Roland Garros and she's confirmed as the best woman clay court player at present. As usual, I was rooting for Sharapova but no, Safina put her on bay. Then I was rooting for Clijsters anyway but well, she even admitted Henin was just so far the best on clay.

Drizzling Sunshine All Over Hell

I just realized i'm really lucky...
Aside from the fact that I got a job that requires alot of patience,
perseverance,
and a whole lot of coffee,
I got myself a whole new wonderful experience!



If this were your typical Spongebob, you'd be really sure you're not in hell,
just drizzling sunshine all over hell...

Transmogrified

I felt this since I woke up
Maybe because of the fact that things never changed at all
I did
And it scared me
The most because I never woke up from that nightmare
The most because I will never wake up from reality
Im changed
I wish to remain the same
But I can't
I'm Transmogrified...

tsk tsk tsk

hmm this has been the 3rd ive been logging in n out from the site
i cant decide on what shud i do
shud i post?
maybe not
but i did anyhowz
for the nth time ive been browsing my friendlist on friendster
maybe im just looking for something
or someone
nahh
i better pick something
to be safe
i have this weird feeling that im not alone
duh
read: (STUPID)
im in a cafe
re-read: (STUPIDER) if there is such a word
tsk tsk tsk

kinutlo sa huna-huna sa praning

i felt left out
it seems no one remembers me
maybe they do but they intentionally erase me from their thoughts
ay ambot kaha kung ngano
bati siguro ko og dagway
yati ra

tomorrow i might be dead
hala jud mo
basta di lagi ko mahinumduman
i will haunt you

i hope i open up naman sad
para people tend not to forget me often
attention-seeker man siguro ko
maghilak akong adlaw if im not talked to

but most times mas ganahan ko di tagdon
sakit sad na nako
yati ra
pak oi

river still flowing or flowing still?

monotonic or monotonous?
still flowing or flowing still?
change clothes or clothes changed?

half empty or half full?
dead on the spot or spotted dead?
clear vision or vision cleared?
drunk or drank?

im standing on a river sabi nila
is it flowing still or still flowing?

im walking on an empty lane
is it deserted or did they desert me?

just the voice?

just the voice and i mellow
and when you told me you couldnt say it
because it means more than that
i melted on the spot
more than marvin liboon
pawned and sprawled by my side

i will do what you have asked me to do
i will follow your every command
not because you asked for it
but because i want to do it

i should be deleting my last post because of this
but no
what i felt should remain there
what i felt should be read

because this is my blog

my salad of emotions

now i do believe how hard it is to feel for another
now i do believe how hard it is to express
how hard it is to be hurt
because i've been hurt before
a lot of times
very painful times
sometimes i just want things to stop
i just want to be somebody else
be somewhere else
be gone

but there are things that bring my hopes up
there are people who do
this is when someone catches my heart
takes hold of it
hold it very tight
its painful at times
but i seem to enjoy every moment it happens
because i believe in the person to never let go

never let go...

and i never did
at times when you talk i just wanna cry
i want to be heard
talking may not be enough
i know it isn't
never will be enough
even in my deepest emotions i know i must see for myself
take hold of it what it is holding you
but not tighter for you may let it slip
or worse break it

i wont break it...

i promise you this
i hope you understand
i hope you feel
i hope we could be together one day
i hope we could hold our hands
i hope i could stare at you sleeping
i hope i could stare at you awake
i hope it would be forever
i hope it would be true

i'm hoping it from you

i want to hear what you have to say
please...

this is the salad of my emotions
this is food for my soul
this is what fills me
because i never want to be hungry again
ever...

a new chapter nga ba?

sana this is a new chapter na gud
ang pinag-iba nga lang, mey dumating

noon, mey umalis...
pero ok na din un umalis...
kasi mey bumukas na mas nice, mas astig, alam nya yun...

the one reason kung bakit ako nag ha-hang on sa ganitong existence...
binibigyan nya ako ng reason para mag pursige...
sana alam nya kung gano cya ka-importante sakin

kahit malayo pa siya, alam ko andito lang siya...
nasa tabi ko, nasa isip ko, nasa puso ko...
nyaks

nun parang korny pakinggan, pero ngaun...
i don't care...

kini ang gugmang giatay...
sana maintindihan ito ng nut2x ko...

Gugmang Giatay

buot kong ikaw masayod
og paminawon mo
kay kung pananglit, yam-iran mo
mga panumpa og pasalig ko
og kun ugaling
kalit kang mubiya
di ko kapugngan
walug ning mga luha

kay ikaw akong himaya
handumon ko matag karon og unya
ikaw langit og yuta akong pinangga

unya mihabol ang kangitngit
nga giduyugan sa ulan
ug sa kalit lang nahanaw
ang bidlisyo sa adlaw

oh kahayag...
sa imong panagway
nga naulipon sa gugmang giatay
inday paminawa, kabos kong gugma
nga kanimo akong igasa
dili ko man mahatag ang tanang bahandi
ning kalibutan
apan inday,
dungga intawn
ning alaot nga naulipon
sa gugmang giatay

Song of the Week for Me

Because You Live
Jesse McCartney


Staring out at the rain with a heavy heart
It's the end of the world in my mind
Then your voice calls me back like a wake up call
I've been looking for the answer
Somewhere
I couldn't see that it was right there
But now I know what I didn't know

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has twice as many stars in the sky

It's alright, I survived, I'm alive again
Cuz of you, made it though every storm
What is life, whats the use if your killed inside
I'm so glad I found an angel
Someone
Who was there when all my hopes fell
I wanna fly, looking in your eyes

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has twice as many stars in the sky
Because you live, I live

Because you live there's a reason why
I carry on when I lose the fight
I want to give what you've given me always

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has twice as many stars in the sky

Because you live and breathe
Because you make me believe in myself when nobody else can help
Because you live, girl
My world has everything I need to survive

Because you live, I live, I live

should i stay or should i go?

i've been here for about 10 hours
i feel i should go somewhere else
like home

i know i'm gonna get messed up later
i feel it
yet i do not fear
because i know my faults
i know my choices

a choice i made turned ugly
it grew
and i has got rotten

but i still hang on to it
i even nurture it
it has grown big now
it has grown ugly
it has grown bad

should i stay or should i go?
maybe i should
neither

unsuccessful cooking

spent the whole dawn reading full 5 food magazines and thought: will i ever cook?
i tried to do so

woken up again by my mum, with lots of nag
she nagged me
and she never bores

so i decided to eat alone after they all left for work
there was one problem: breakfast sucks
so i decided again
there was one solution: i'm gonna cook

so i got a piece of cold meat on the freezer
crushed some garlic
poured on some soy sauce
vinegar
calamansi juice
and sprinkled some black pepper

i thought of asking for some olive oil from my ate next door
but i thought: why olive oil?
it felt right
but i did not pursue
went to the cupboard
got some vegetable oil
got content

all i thought was that it would end up right
damn
i haven't even started right
i forgot to turn on the electric stove
so i have to wait for a few minutes
forget it
i looked to my right and there it was: the oven toaster

i put my prepared meat on the toaster plate
turned the toaster on
set it for full 15 minutes
somehow it felt right

when it reached 7 minutes i turned it back to 15 minutes
maybe it would cook better
so i waited

when the toaster alarmed signaling its doneness
i looked at my piece of meat
it looked right

so i took it out
put it on a platter and started on it

what the f*ck
still raw

all for stephenie